Let's agree to disagree

In my Zimbabwean African culture, elders are so revered that they are never seen as doing anything wrong.

It is considered very rude to argue with one’s elders, even when we are certain that they are incorrect. Young people must bow their heads and make peace by being acquiescent.

I vividly remember a time when my father and I had a serious disagreement. I was not prepared to concede what I believed was wrong or that it should be ignored. At first, my father was angry at what seemed to be insolence, but he tried to understand where I was coming from. Eventually, he put up his right hand and said, “Barba, let’s agree to disagree!”

I liked that better than being shouted down. We remained a loving father and daughter. We were family. No disagreement would separate us nor make us enemies.

In life, we continually relate to those with whom we have differences. I have witnessed conflicts of values and interests in families, in communities and even in church. Other conflicts occur because of personality clashes.

I belong to a conservative evangelical church. Our congregation was established close to what was the one and only university in the country at the time. We met within the university campus chapel to cater to the students who came from the southwest and northwest of the country, where my church had roots.

A time came when the phenomenon of praying in tongues during mass prayer became prevalent in some congregations.

My congregation was not spared.

There are scriptures on praying in tongues, but this phenomenon arose out of a charismatic and Pentecostal influence, rather than our church doctrine.

A letter was quickly circulated from the bishop’s office to curb this growing and unbecoming tendency. Praying in tongues and praying aloud in one accord had to stop until leadership in the church came up with a way forward concerning the phenomenon.

But the largest congregation in our country, whose pastor was well-respected, had been practicing praying in tongues, so many of us kept wondering how the leadership handled its concerns with that church.

This occurrence was a bother beyond our church denomination. At the time, I was working at a Bible translation organization where I engaged with many church leaders. I remember a day when I was in dialogue with different church leaders, all of whom had the same concern. One observed that young people had really “gone global” in the way they thought, spoke and dressed. There was some truth in that.

But then a second leader said, “I have ceased to worry about that. Remember the story in Acts 5:27–39 with a focus on Gamaliel’s wise counsel to the Sanhedrin who were plotting to kill the Apostles for preaching Christ: 

‘Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men   In the present case I advise you:

Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.’”

I saw the wisdom in Gamaliel’s words for our situation.

There always will be times in families and institutions when people don’t see eye to eye. Still, people should be free and comfortable to express their opinions. Peace should be maintained by respecting other people’s differences. We don’t have to be heavy-handed or disdainful towards those we do not agree with. Christ hated the sin in us but loved us.

Like my father and me many years ago, in the church, we may have to agree to disagree and continue to keep good relations, as we are family.

Barbara Nkala is a writer, teacher, speaker and former Southern Africa regional representative for Mennonite World Conference (2016– 2022). She is a member of the Brethren in Christ Church, Mount Pleasant, Harare, Zimbabwe.