While Christmas is a time to contemplate peace on Earth, holiday gatherings can be stressful for some. One comment or opinion can ruin dinner. Wendy Suddaby of Hope Mennonite Church in Winnipeg recalls a frustrating conversation over Thanksgiving dinner in 2018. It spurred her to action.
Suddaby, 72, who sits on her church’s adult education committee, began mulling over the idea for an Adult Education series titled “Ruining Dinner,” in which participants could learn how to have conversations with those they disagree with.
“I’m trying to figure out how to overcome my fear of being able to say, in the face of someone else’s contempt, ‘Well, gee, if we were to be loving and respectful, how [could] we work together?’” she said.
This fall, Hope Mennonite made it happen, holding a series of three Sunday morning sessions.
“So many people I talk to just want peace at all costs,” said Suddaby. “If you’re so conscious of trying to avoid subjects in which people have different opinions, that’s not peace.”
Suddaby borrowed the title “Ruining Dinner” from a series of conversations between Christian historian Diana Butler Bass and theologian Tripp Fuller, who discuss American politics on YouTube.
Joni Sawatzky, who attends Hope and studies marriage and family therapy at the University of Winnipeg, led the final session on October 13. She called it “Confessions of a Family Killjoy.” Sawatzky shared personal stories about unexpected conversations she has had with family members who hold funda- mentally different beliefs.
Sawatzky emphasized the importance of face-to-face conversations and spoke about “the capacity for surprising ourselves and allowing others to surprise us.”
“Even if we grew up together, what more is there to know?” she said.
Sawatzky also talked about checking in with our bodies during intense conversations.
“Everything is information, not just the words you’re hearing,” Sawatzky said. “You don’t have to have a hard conver- sation right away or all the time or when you’re in a heightened state.”
John Koop Harder, a therapist, and David Dyck, a conflict mediator, led the first two sessions. Pastor Lynell Bergen said participants were very engaged and that 15 to 25 people attended each session. Bergen appreciated the opportunity to think about how relationships with family can improve if you’re open to change. The sessions were also helpful for Bergen as a pastor, reminding her that some find family gatherings uncomfortable. “To help people to have some small tool or idea of where they want to go in a stressful or challenging situation is an important gift we can give to each other in the church and in other places, to provide people the resources they need to deal with challenging relationships,” Bergen said
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