Meditation on Wandering Thoughts

She guides us through the breath­ing and cen­ter­ing exer­cises used to calm our bod­ies and observe our thoughts. In reflec­tions on a series of ques­tions, our minds wan­der and we are to pick up words, feel­ings, and images that stand out.

“Think of some­one you know and admire. Imag­ine them spend­ing time with you. Watch them inter­act­ing with oth­ers. Envi­sion them when they’re alone. What do you admire about them?” In my mind’s eye, I see a dear friend lis­ten­ing care­fully and ask­ing ques­tions as I express my joys and frus­tra­tions. Her face lights up at the beauty of nature and of peo­ple. She dances lightly with her life on the earth in a spirit of curi­ousity and sim­ple praise. Inno­cence. Won­der. Joy.

“Now think of a time when you were at com­plete rest. Feel your body and senses. Look around at your sur­round­ings. Let the expe­ri­ence seep into your self and mind. What do you need if you were to feel this right now?” I feel the gen­tle swell of the float­ing dock beneath me. Hear­ing the small splashes of smooth waves against the wood against a back­ground of children’s laugh­ter across the lake, my bare feet rub the fuzzy cover of the dock. The sun­shine makes me squint as I look around, and I feel this time all to myself. The respon­si­bil­i­ties and to-do lists lie across the water and noth­ing dis­turbs my sleepy, peace­ful moment. Let­ting go. Giv­ing in. Space.

“Finally, think of some­thing you have achieved in your life. Some­thing that you are proud of. Some­thing that you share with oth­ers and would like to tell your grand­chil­dren. What val­ues did you hold to in your achieve­ment that you would like to tell them?” The strug­gles of the last sev­eral years, start­ing a school, find­ing teach­ers, ana­lyz­ing pro­grams and eval­u­at­ing classes, work­ing with stu­dents and staff, envi­sion­ing an empow­er­ing edu­ca­tional envi­ron­ment yet faced with reality’s lim­its. Per­se­ver­ing in the midst of frus­tra­tion, mis­com­mu­ni­ca­tion and con­flict. Seek­ing rec­on­cil­i­a­tion and find­ing it in a bro­ken rela­tion­ship with a col­league. Integrity. Respect. Vulnerability. 

As she drew us back softly to the space of the white-walled class­room, she invited us to take these words and images. Write them down. See who we are and who we desire to become. See what they will mean to us. 

Vul­ner­a­bil­ity.
Respect.
Integrity.
Space.
Giv­ing in.
Let­ting go.
Joy.
Won­der.
Innocence.